i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
