Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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