I wish I only lived at night.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
