Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
