Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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