White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
