pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
