I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
