Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
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Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
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I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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