Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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