Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
she woke up with a sticky ear
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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