The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
