happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
