My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
