We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
