hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
