I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I want her autograph on my taint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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