Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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