I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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