so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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