K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
