I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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