So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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