the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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