So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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