I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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