i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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