There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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