Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
