Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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