We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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