I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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