I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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