Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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