My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
