just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
