so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize