I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
