The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
