im having a threesome with these popsicles
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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