fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
