my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
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All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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