I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
