Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
