I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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