it hurts more in the daytime
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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