Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
