i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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