4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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