when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Bring me that man meat
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
as a side note pls kill me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
