OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
