I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
