apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
