Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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