Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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