3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
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Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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