Michael Bay diarrhea
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize