Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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