btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
