Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Randomize
