allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
