Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
