you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
