If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
True college students do jello shots in the library
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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