When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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