im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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