It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
