God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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