i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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